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Out of the Underworld

By: Princess Anastasia

I had a disasterous and long relationship in my 20s, with a very sad, angry, confused and alcoholic man. But I loved him with all my heart and soul and believed he was the love of my life.

But I couldn't be with him and survive with my self-respect, dignity, pride and health. I was reduced to a shred of a woman. It took a great deal of strength to leave this self-destructive man and not run back to him to try and save him. After eight and a half years I couldn't, and he certainly wasn't able to save himself either.

I left him and had to go through the process of hardening my heart to love to save myself and heal. It was too much to open myself up to such great vulnerability again.

I met a man and mistook lust for love; I ignored the warning flags of behaviour that I should never have put up with. We planned to marry and had a baby, but he left for a previous love.

As a single mother, I wanted nothing more than to provide my beautiful daughter with a father and a family. I met another man who seemed perfect; we married and then had another daughter, and the imaginary perfection crumbled into something dark and weird. To him I was a monster just because I was myself, and not an image, a Stepford wife. He became violent and strange and I had to leave.

So now, having emerged from the Underworld, like Persephone, with the help of amazing friends and family, I have fallen in love again.

I feel vulnerable and scared. This man is not the same as the others, although he is a vulnerable man, only human like the rest of us.

I love him, and desire nothing more than to be loved by him. He touches me in a way which is completely new territory for me; it seems this is new territory for him as well.

My wish is that we find love together. This time around I know what I am getting into, I think. At least this time it is slower and more tender and more searching. I love him. I love him, I love him. And I want that love returned to me. I want him to find the joy in me that he has already spoken of. I want him to experience the love that comes with pleasure and trust. I want to be his companion and lover and life-partner. I want him to take pride and joy and fun and love and trust in me.

I want him to experience how good love and sensuality can be with me, and to trust that this will carry us through the harder times that always accompany any relationship. I want this to be good.

Thank you for reading my wish; it feels a bit silly to say this, but please send us your hopes; I know it's a hard and negative world and I'm the first one to be cynical about everything, but this time around I need your hope and wishes that the best outcome with occur.

We all need a little hope these days! Please hope for me!

Thank you!

Princess Anastasis