i want him back with my whole heart

I really want my ex lover to epress his love for me again. I want his negative mindset about me to change and for him to be able to trust me and know that i have changed. We talked about getting married and having a family and i want all of that back. He is the first guy that i have ever felt this way about before and i really want him to be with me. when we hang out and see eachother it's almost like we are together because we still kiss and cuddle but i want it to be official. He said we will not get back together and for me not to think that we will but what else am i suppost to think when its just like we are together. He has liked me for 3 years and he was the best guy i could ever have. He saved me from alot of things and i saved him from alot in his life. I know if it's ment to be it will find a way but can't it use a little push and guidence in the right direction? My friends all tell me to leave him alone and not talk to him but my heart says other wise and i'm going to go with that then what my mind might hear. This is something I really want more then anything i can think of. I know it might sound weird but he is truely everything that i have ever wanted and I hate how he has it in his mind that i messed it up. I have changed and will continue too, i just need his mind to stop thinking like that and his heart to take back over and let me in. To take the risk and let him know that it is worth it.

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